you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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