please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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