new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
