My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
