if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
