I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize