Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
