Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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