YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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