Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Boobs speak an international language.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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