why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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