If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
