honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
