if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
