It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
