I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
