My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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