I met the friendliest cop last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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