I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
