Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
