I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
