The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
