last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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