Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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