tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
