is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
