i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
