I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Farmville is her only friend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
