Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
