I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
