did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
