I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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