A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
