you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
