The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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