Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize