i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize