i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
