Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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