I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
