You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He? As in you personified your dick?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
