Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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