I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
