You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
