How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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