I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
