I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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