my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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