My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can't believe i had my finger in that
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
