My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
