it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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