No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Found your dick twin last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
