I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
