haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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