Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
