remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
