I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
