Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
