tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
