hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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