you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
