life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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