Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
