I think im going to throw up on grandma
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
