I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In America we eat man semen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
