I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
