Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
