Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
