she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
